Body Language – Performance Anxiety

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Note: All comments in my videos are strictly my opinion.

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the Maestro

That’s me 😭

GOMF3602

I know this is about stage fright, which I was able to overcome to the point that public speaking and teaching large classes in Crisis Intervention became a major part of my job, but I think I have a bit more understanding of why his anxiety red zoned. I was an election judge in Illinois yesterday. That poor guy was attempting to defend his county’s performance in conducting yesterday’s election during a mass hysteria infection control crisis with short or non-existent supplies, improperly or untrained poll workers and a panic stricken public and probably called on to publicly defend bad decisions that he did not make. In our county that is exactly what happened. Many senior judges refused to work due to the Corona virus. Emergency judges were recruited from high school seniors and by raising the pay. Of the 10 poll workers at our location only one had served before and only four had any training whatsoever. None had any training or advisory on infection control. The county provided one pair of gloves for each worker homemade hand sanitizer, and a disinfectant spray that had to be allowed to stand for 10 minutes to be effective along with a package of paper towels. Luckily, I had a box of gloves and a stockpiled package of Clorox wipes, and due to my hospital experience, was able to provide some guidance to the other judges on what to do and at least have a protocol that might minimize transmission. If I has to stand up and defend their piss-poor performance, I would have walked off the stage too, in spite of not having stage fright.

minddance

This was certainly different. Unlike the others i didn’t feel sorry for this man. I actaully thought in spite of the fear and his succumbing to it he did alright or even well (maybe my assessments are not so acceptable but i like him and had no sympathy for his own extreme discomfort and apparent failing to be what is expected of him.) Because if he doesn’t have to do this and be good at it so what? And if he does have to get better, contrary to others saying he can’t or not likely to, i believe he can and will. And either way , I thought he will be fine and that this experience may even be what drives him to change, which i know you CAN . I was way worse than him and ended up teaching and talking to large audiences. Though i could still use to improve myself a lot in that area., I got over the extreme stage fright . I didn’t know i was so scared until my late forties , early fifties when stood in front of audience that was not my peers …and that was when i saw myself on video that I knew i had to change. I had been teaching and thought i was doing fine for years until saw myself …and i did change..I really HAD to (was so bad…worse than this man) So it may not be late for anyone who wants to change. Only for those who don’t. Enough suffering with a limitation and with fear and your will….will get you over it and willing to do what it takes to change it. Sometimes it’s experiences like these that catapult you to that decision and enough to follow through on it. Might be not possible for those who are happy to stay what they are, and with age we are more likely to be more unwilling and lethargic to change but in some cases more wise and strong in desire to so….could go either way is how i see it.

. Thanks Mandy for a very different experience with this video and its impact it may have on us too. i love your work so much.

TimB

minddance; regardless of his performance, which I thought was fine because I think he conveyed what was required, how can you not feel for him. Are you void of empathy? I was trying to breath for him. Maybe it is because I can relate. Even if I was highly prepared, I always felt like I was on the verge of death & calamity.

minddance

TimB: Of course i have and had empathy for this person. Please do not confuse my words that were…”i did not feel sorry for him”…and dismiss the rest of my statements..which could not have written if didn’t have empathy. Feeling sorry for someone is NOT the same as empathy. Empathy is the ability to FEEL what they feel…and feel with them. What i DO with that is to empower…not to diminish people’s potential. We all “react” differently emotionally in empathy…to how WE would feel in that situation…which does not make us devoid of that ability to “feel ” with them..but rather .just different in our reaction to what we do feel with them. For me:..how we have learned to evolve and empower ourselves IN scary situations can be also transferred to another person in that situation.or how we see them (which can also impact them and /or others you share that with) . I was simply doing that.. NOt that i didn’t see the challenge and feel for him in it…but that i saw it not as a ‘bad ” thing go thru or that if he didn’t meet expectations of performance (his own or anyone else’s ) didn’t mean to me he didn’t accomplish something even better than that.(in other words what we think is failure by some criteria could be success by other criteria and THAT was why i didn’t feel sorry for him bc i saw and valued what is more important to me…than his “performance” (which we both agreed that he did fine or alright …and i even said could be seen as that or better than that). and that what he went through emotionally was worth it. That more important “success” to me is that this can be HOW..someone can move from fear to learning how to …accomplish EVEN in the face of fear which is what i saw and appreciated about this man and his experience. That to me is not something to feel sorry for but be grateful or happy or even ecstatic about and celebrate. You were more fixed or perhaps focused is a better word..on his struggle with his perceived limitation as you have experienced it in your own life and where the emotion of being on the verge of “death and calamity” is what predominates…I hope you realize that is not a “bad ” thing to experience is what i am saying and that i have been there and still have those…but that is the very experience that also made me stronger …that when in it i have had the ability to move from that to where i am not overcome with fear and an inability to arrive to a calm and/or other feelings that i can CHANGE the whole experience that actually removes or diminishes the fear and/or my vulnerability to it…to where i would have been otherwise manipulated an controlled by that and others who would use that to control me. Does that makes sense to you? And can you see the empathy in that ? I loved that Mandy showed us this where for me it was ALL ABOUT OUR EMPATHY AND APPRECIATION FOR SOMEONE LIKE OURSELVES WHO COULD BE NOT WHAT WE JUDGE SO MUCH AS A SUCCESS IN OR AS WE WOULD FEEL IF WE WERE “IMPRESSIVE ” TO OTHERS .. …I SEE HIM AS A SUCCESS FOR DOING SO WELL even when not meet people’s (our own and others) criteria for that. To still appreciate our accomplishment at just being and doing what IS a challenge to us (regardless of how good or bad we think we were IN it) .that is encouraging and inspiring to me. .to see someone struggle with this for example in their challenge with communicating (which i have greatly whether in audience or not so can’t NOT have empathy and compassion for) ..i appreciate even more what they are going through ..not less but i also can’t feel sorry for ..but more celebrate their accomplishing at whatever level it is…..MORE EVEN THAN i would with AN IMPRESSIVE SPEAKER SOMETIMES. I can only feel that way BECAUSE of empathy…But THAT may not be apparent to you if you can’t relate to MY empathy because it is different from yours. I do hope though that you can have a perspective though that it allows for that possibility. rather than what i feel does not qualify as EMPATHY , being that it DOES NOT END WITH THE SAME RESULT (FEELING SORRY FOR?) as yours. but does have the same compassion for his and my own struggles in that experience…only not to feel sorry for those struggles but see the rewards of it.

minddance

TimB..i replied with way too many words and came back to edit and see it’s just gone…So i hope both don’t show up now!!. I think my words “i do not feel sorry for him” were confused with not having empathy (your words about me) . They are not the same thing. I have MORE empathy ..which is i feel what he is feeling and for that very reason i said all i said. What we conclude with our empathy …is what is different . Each of us has an emotional REACTION to what our empathy is . Mine is different than yours but not AS different as it may appear at first. You are more fixed on or rather focused on (it looks like to me) ..the suffering through the challenge of his experience and the feeling a failure at it (all based on his or your or our criteria of what success or failure IS. i CELEBRATE rather than feel sorry for his going through the experience which i have been through worse than his and same as his and from my experience i prefer to empower and see the potential of any of us …to change and not think we are failures …but rather see what WAS accomplished and that in spite of our fears and limitations we DID ACCOMPLISH .and value what we did do. I think he can change and go from where is to being much more accomplished at it…whereas others see that as not likely ..but in my life and in my work I have seen the impossible made possible over and over again…and that these “painful” and challenging “failures” be the very impetus of that kind of change ..when we are ready and want to…(is why i don’t lean on the side of feeling sorry for others tho i do empathize…i use it to ’empower” and credit them with the success and celebrating that ..what they don’t see because they see only the failure. ). It is not a popular opinion /outlook i guess but it is what mine is…and is not about being “void” of empathy at all…but rather more of it as i said. And hope that gives people hope that in spite of fears and other emotions, rather than dis-empower their abilitiies and potentials they feel they lack and so struggle with limitations in efforts to realize them they still DO accomplish…..which starts with accepting not denying that struggle but not feeling sorry for it when it can be exactly what makes us be also finished with our being controlled by it. Make sense?

minddance

Mandy can you look at post by Bethj547 ? and reply to her? i too would love anything you might want to share about it.

BethJ547

Thank you. I meant to post it on the video submission page, but didn’t realize the page changed after I logged in. 🤷‍♀️🙄

BethJ547

Mandy, your thoughts?

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BethJ547

Gah! Was trying to post on the Submit Video page. Feel free to delete this one.

BethJ547

Thank you, and congratulations on the expanding family!

minddance

I THOUGHT it was beautiful to see someone thinking for himself and that in depth as well. ..and wanting to share his thoughts too. Thank you for posting it…i hope Mandy will look at it and give some input. He seems so sincere whether or not his conclusions are correct…his logic and sincerity in reaching out with what he obviously is feeling inside and thinks about has its value.

Badcat

Thank you, thank you for posting this video. It was so good to see this much passion and courage to speak the REAL truth.

I’m so glad I popped by and was able to catch this video. I’ll watch it again and again. Thank you!!

GOMF3602

He is dead right. Regardless of the origin of this virus, his observations are correct.

Susan McCall

Why do people feel the need to say: “I didn’t vote for Trump” as they spout out their opinion on a certain issue? (Same as actress patricia heaton – doesn’t support dismemberment procedures, yet doesn’t support Trump – by the way, who will she vote for this election?) – but yet they more or less feel forced to agree with him? He would have appeared more ‘believable’ if he had omitted his personal opinion regarding Trump. (imo).

BethJ547

Yep, the politically correct disclaimer. 🤣

Anthony Smith

Poor guy! As a young man I sang publicly quite often, and I had horrible stage fright. It was a constant battle. And to top it all off, I would sweat profusely, even without the heat of the floodlights. I empathize with this guy.

Mac

That gave me anxiety just watching him. When his voice started to shake, I knew it was over for him.
An introvert myself, I cannot even speak to a small group in a social setting. If people are all looking at me when I’m speaking I lose my train of thought and panic. It feels like a train coming at you.

Remember those oral reports we had to do in Elementary School? Something like that is sheer torture for a person with “stage fright”. It’s not funny. It’s like taking someone who is afraid of heights and forcing them to stand on top of a 5 story building and make them walk a plank to the building next door <——— Now THAT's funny! I can see plaid tie guy being teased for years to come and he's ok with that. Just as long as he doesn't ever have to speak in public again.

Susan McCall

I remember too Mac – for my speeches in high school, I used to write words in pencil and in parentheses like: take a breath, pause, look at the people. Nothing worked though ….until there I was in college having to give 3 speeches for the class requirement. I went skiing in the morning, so by night class, I was exhausted and already had a red face. I had severe issues with ‘blushing’ but the skiing helped, plus I was exhausted so that helped as well with the stress. Fast forward to working for the 2010 Census and I was a ‘test giver’ – having to explain and read for at least 15 min. on test rules. Only by now, the severe blushing came back due to the ole menopausal/hormonal issues. Completely out of my control. Rather than run out of the testing site, I held up my form letter to cover my sweaty, red face – I got through it but jeeze. Bad memories! Being a bartender and food server, I have no qualms singing Happy Birthday to someone, or even singing karoke now-a-days. The problem I have these days is not getting a word in edgewise and when I do, I choke – haha. (ex: trying to explain why socialism is not a good idea – ‘Ready, Camera, Action……explain in 30 seconds due to people having short attention spans and raising voices).

Cat

Yep… the guy in purple shirt took too much pleasure in that. He seemed to be the one in charge because he directed the other guy to go next.

I feel for the poor bloke…

jimmer

Ugh, That was painful. I bet he’s an ace at his job but that performance dinged his career. Next stop, a speech coach.

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